You.
My biggy smalls.
It seems each day you come home from school you have grown a bit more. You are changing and growing daily. There has been a lot of kindergarten talk these days...lots of decisions being made and preparations already started. We are super excited for the choice we're making for your school path, but there is also this simultaneous anxiety.
And let me be clear, it is not your anxiety baby. It is mine. All mine.
I never really understood how parents got all sentimental and nervous and anxious about their kids starting kindergarten. Especially if those kids had been going to pre-school and day care and had already had time away from the home. Oh, silly me. Yet another life lesson that can only truly be understood when you have walked through it.
It's hard.
It's a new beginning. A new ending. Whatever way you come to kindergarten, it's new.
And I'm a creature of habit. These kiddos we've been with for 4+ years have become family to us and to think of them not all together next year makes my heart break a little.
But YOU are ready my birdy. You know you'll make new friends and keep the old.
You are the brave one.
Field trip to the Fire Station
And I'm continuing to learn from you and taking your lead.
But I still look at you when you sleep and see my baby girl.
You are the best big sister. My biggest big helper.
You are Madeleine's biggest cheerleader.
You still bite your nails.
You have figured out the monkey bars. And the proud smile on your face the first time you mastered it will be forever engrained in my memory. Big kid stuff.
You like reason and logic. Unless you are having a melt down. Then logic is out the door.
You are sensitive.
You are feisty.
You are kind.
You are goofy.
And you are a tad dramatic.
You love reading.
You are independent, yet often cautious.
You are my girl.
And I love you the mostest.
YOU.
My grinny girl.
While I had been a bit concerned about your speech for awhile there, we ended up having you tested a few months back, only to learn that you are doing just great. A mother's worry put to rest. I should have heeded my own mom's advice that everything would happen in it's own good time. Because it has.
Your speech has exploded and it is such fun. I don't know if it's because we had to wait a bit longer for it, but we all jump up and down with excitement at new words you find.
This week you finally started saying your name. Ma-da-lin.
And Charlotte is now Charlotte instead of Aiya. I think I'm going to try and keep that one around somehow though, because I do so love a nickname.
You are growing and changing each day.
You are my twinkle toes girl.
You have the best curls.
You love your sister and want to do every.single.thing she does.
If she has one, you want one.
Including colds. If Charlotte coughs, you fake cough so you can be the same.
You love your friends. Especially Vivi and Sophie. Just saying their names brings a huge smile to your face.
You are Miss Independent. Everything is, "I do it."
They way you say, "my schocks" is my favorite ever.
You are adventurous and fearless.
You frustrate easily and forgive quickly.
You are a huge personality packaged in a tiny little body.
You are my girl.
And I love you the mostest.
YOU.
My partner.
You made a big change at work and the Lovik and Juhl headquarters for the past 10 years made an upgrade. You researched, and prayed, and worked hard...and the stars aligned to help you and Dave find a fabulous new office.
But what's even more awesome than the fabulous Lake Union views is the confidence boost I see this place gives you guys. The thankfulness I see. The commitment you both have to each other and your families. It hasn't always been easy, but you are making it happen. And we're so proud of you.
You are my chef.
My meal planner. My grocery shopper.
You are the most fun daddy.
You are my comedic relief.
You are my rock.
You put up with me.
And even though your snoring still drives me crazy...
You are my guy.
And I love you the mostest.
ME.
I'm trying to slow time.
Trying to be present.
Trying to remember my patience.
I'm exploring the world of Essential Oils.
I'm loving the newness and renewal that spring time brings with it.
I'm coming out of (I think/hope) a period of some work stresses. The ebbs and flows. It's natural after 12+ years. I know that. But I much prefer the flow days. But ultimately every day, I am so thankful for the career and women I spend my days with. We have made a life together and I love them. But I sure do love my Fridays with my girls. It's like Christmas every week.
I have baby fever.
I am done having kids.
No wait, I have baby fever.
I'm confused.
I am thankful for old best friends.
And for new best friends.
And for Pure Barre.
And runs in the rain.
And brothers who are so happy.
I'm scared and excited and frustrated and anxious to be starting on the journey of house hunting in this crazy Seattle market.
I'm trying to embrace the wrinkles that have found their way to my face.
I want to write more.
I want to read more.
I feel time changing. I worry.
I read this Instagram post the other day and wish that I could have so perfectly put these words together. But since I didn't, I will give her credit and repost here, because it is so often exactly how I feel:
"The importance of a quiet, connected moment snuggling my girl in the early morning sun, amongst the chaos of the day. A deep need to simply my life and let go of the things that don't REALLY need my attention, the need to worry less and close my eyes and breathe more, to feel the sun on my face and their little hands in mine. The feeling that while my babies growing a little bit older has allowed me to feel more capable as a mom, I conversely struggle with the paralyzing fear of their childhood and adorable toddler stage slipping through my fingers, and it kills me. Am I choosing to make these quiet moments count, to allow the stress of being a mother, a career woman, and hell, my own person, be secondary to the wonder and magic that is my two little humans? Every day we choose in little ways how we feel and what to prioritize, today I choose them, I choose peace, I choose to see every bit of beauty among the chaos.
I am loving this beautiful chaos of our days right now.
YOU &YOU &YOU & ME.
