My girls.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mama.

As a little girl I loved my babies, playing house and dreaming about one day being a mom. And now I am. To my two darling girls. And while "playing house" in the grown up world includes paying bills, doing the dishes, and numerous other frustrations...being a mom has brought me my lifes greatest joy.

 

I still catch my breath sometimes when I look at the two of them.

Or when I get to say sentences like, "The girls and I went here today..." or "The girls were so cute when..." They make me so very happy.

 

I've been thinking about that a lot recently...how happy they make me. Perhaps it is because I am approaching my last week of maternity leave and know that these precious days are limited. Perhaps it's because I'm just sentimental like that. Perhaps it is because they are both at really fun stages right now. And perhaps it's because that's how all mama's feel when they look at their little loves. Such pure and true happiness.

 

 

My Charlotte

...first of all, when did you get so big? ...i love your independance in anything and everything ("My do it!"), even when it takes us 10 times longer to accomplish a task. ...i love your morning snuggles. Your arms wrapped around me with a huge smile on your face, and your writhling little body cozying up under the covers when you get to crawl in bed with me and daddy. ...you are such an observer. Everywhere we go I see you looking at and examining the people around you. ...i love how goofy you are. ...you have an incredibly tender heart. You are very concerned whenever you think someone is sad or hurt (you started crying the other day when we gave Max some ear drops and he flinched, because you thought he was hurt.) ...do you know how my heart leaps when you say, "Sing with me mommy!" ...you are SUCH a good big sister and helper ...your mind and imagination are such a delight to witness. The world of make believe is such a lovely place...thank you for bringing me there with you. My sweet bunny girl. My Madeleine ....seriously, HOW did we get so lucky to have such a good baby? That sounds bad kind of, a good baby?...as opposed to what, a bad baby? There is no such thing as a bad baby, but I guess I just mean, how did we get such a mellow, content, happy baby?! You bless us little one. ...i love nursing you. ...i love the smell of your head. ...i love they way you hold your little hands in fists, the same way Charlotte did. ...i love our afternoon snuggles and naps. ...i love how you are starting to find your hands. ...i love how you smile at me. ...i love your froggy leg kicks. ...i love that you are starting to find your voice. My little dove.   My girls. I hope you always know how much you are loved. I hope you know that leaving you in a week will be one of the hardest things for me to do. I hope you know that, if I could, I'd be with you everyday. (okay...maybe that's a stretch...let's be honest here...but I'd be with you more than reality allots for) I hope you know that I will treasure having Fridays off with you for 3 more months. And I'll make it worth it. I hope you know my goal is to make that permanent, at some point in the future. I hope you know I value my career and the women I work with. I hope you know that this time with you will be stored and cherished in my heart for always.   And I hope you know how very, very happy you make me.

Playing catch up.

While our home computer has been on the outs for essentially the entire month of January, making blogging and all things internet related virtually impossible...life has been both chaotic and calm...and full of many beautiful moments.

 

************

 

We ended the year with Hans and Becky's most fabulously elegant wedding at the Fairmont in Seattle. Becky was a vision!! Unfortunately with both Nick and I in the wedding and both kids at most of the days events, I didn't capture nearly as many pictures as I would have liked to. It was a magical, festive and love filled event.

 

************

 

Our wild New Years Eve...a delicious meal, good friends, bedtime stories, and in bed by 11 p.m. Absolutely perfect.

 

************

 

January brought with it our second wedding of the season in Tabernash, Colorado to celebrate my girl Crystal and her Adam. To say that this wedding was beautiful would be a gross understatement. It was as if we stepped into a celebrity wedding weekend, with every last little detail pefectly planned and executed. It was such a nice get away for Nick and I after all the hustle and bustle of the holidays...and having just Madeleine to care for felt like a piece of cake!

 

************

 

While we were away, Charlotte and Grammie jumped in full force with the potty training and (knock on wood!) it has continued on fabulously. Thank goodness for the Dora and Minnie Mouse big girl undies, the stickers and a little bribing with M&M's.

 

************

 

This little lady turned 2 months old...she continues to amaze us every day and we fall more and more in love with each passing minute. I realize now that I say this at every stage of the journey, but I really love this stage of infancy. They are a little bigger, more sturdy and becoming more alert each day. I breathe her in and am overwhelmed that she is ours.

 

***********

 

We spent a fabulous weekend across the mountains for some snowy coziness at Suncadia (thanks Elhardts for the invite!). Charlotte is quite smitten with her buddy Miss Addy Mae! And I was quite smitten with the cold weather and sunshine on my face. Hooray for some Vitamin D!

 

************

It's been a good January.

A New Year.

So, as much as I love the holidays...can I just say I'm a little happy they are over?

 

I know, it seems like crazy talk coming from the girl whose absolute favorite time of the year is Christmas...but there is something so refreshing about the start of a new year.

New beginnings, new intentions, new goals to work on.

 A fresh start at living the life you want.

And I realize that really, that fresh start is available to us each day...but something with the changing of the year really drives the message home.

 

2012 has been an incredible year: a dream was fulfilled when we were able to take a family trip to Paris, we have watched Charlotte grow into an independent, hilarious and amazing little girl, we celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary, and of course the biggest blessing came at the closing of the year with the birth of our Madeleine. There have been so many celebrations and gatherings with friends and family we love.

It's been a good year.

 

But, that's not to say that it didn't bring with it its challenges...the biggest of them being the struggle to find balance, particularly these last two months of the year. And I almost feel bad writing that because I never want Madeleine to someday look back on these ramblings of mine and feel that she was the cause of any imbalance. So for the record, she is not the cause. She is such a mellow, sweet baby that I honestly pinch myself wondering how we got so lucky to have such an incredible baby to snuggle as our own.

 

Yet still...the challenge of finding balance in it all is there.

Time for the girls.

Time for Nick.

Time for family and friends.

Time for my work.

Time for myself.

 

I don't think that this balance I speak of is something that I will someday arrive at. Like, ah ha! There you are balance! Now I've got it all figured out!

Rather, I think it is just something that has to continually be visited, examined and sought out. I think at different times it means different things. I've decided it is going to be my word for 2013.

 

And so I'm not making any resolutions in the traditional sense this year.

 I'm putting out into the universe my goals for what I believe will help me continue to find balance and clarity in my life.
(It has to be noted that some of these ideas have been "borrowed" and jotted down from other blogs I've been reading. But good ideas are meant to be shared, right?)

 

-Be present for my girls. Always. Everyday. They are only going to be this little once.

-Be a loving and patient wife and mother.

-Be authentic in conversations and relationships and put away technology. There are so many times I notice that Nick and I are both looking at our phones, or when I notice I'm at a gathering of friends and I'm checking what the latest facebook status is. There is no need for this. The blog posts, status updates and Instagram pictures will all be there later. I want to engage in the conversations and people I am with.

-Seek out new music and sing everyday.

-Feed my body with nutritious, whole foods.

-Be kind and gentle with my body. No more self deprication- this body birthed two babies and they are worth every single change it's seen.

-Run.

-Hold a positive space around money. I particularly liked her wording for this one. It is easy for me to stress about finances, savings, particularly now with our family of four...but as my mom always says, "All will be well".

-Be open to change and let go of the idea of perfection.

 

And lastly...

 

Here's to a year of living the life we all picture! 

 

 

 

Our Christmas Roundup.

 

I think the last line of this poem is perhaps what I love the very most about Christmas...the bringing together of everyone. The cozy togetherness that this precious holiday brings with it. And even with the sometimes hectic travel schedule, I wouldn't have it any other way...because spending time together is really what it is all about.

Visions of sugarplums for both the young and old...

 

An attempt at a family photo...

 

 

There is something that is truly magical to watch the family that you adore, love on your little people. These two have quite a special bond.

Christmas morning... Our littlest elf, taking it all in. Her first Christmas. Our first Christmas as four. Old traditions and new traditions.
Christmas you delivered your magic once again. How very blessed we are.