It's 5:30 a.m. as I sit at the computer to write. Coffee in hand (well, beside the keyboard), house quiet, a moment to reflect.
It seems the early morning moments are about the only time to do that these days.
And that's okay.
I like to think of my life sometimes in seasons. Ever changing and evolving...and the season we are in right now is just not one of leisure and spare time.
This is the season of motherhood.
Of playing and planning and crafting.
Of peek-a-boo, reading and make believe.
Of lack of sleep, lack of knowledge, of doubt in my abilities.
Of comforting, snuggling and being present.
This season of time with my little girls is precious. It is fleeting. So when there are days that seems long, I remind myself that this season is so short.
These are, without a doubt, the most challenging and rewarding days of my life.
While I've probably said it at every age along the way (except for 3...sorry 3)- I LOVE this age! This 12-18 month window is so magical with it's new discoveries every day. And it is made even more magical by this sweet spirited girl.
She is a lover.
My even keel dove.
She is so in love with her big sister and wants to do anything and everything she does. Which is part of what I think makes her so fearless. She is a go-getter.
She has this toothy grin right now and when she smiles...she smiles with her whole body. Face scrunched, eyes squinted, smiling from ear to ear.
My baby girl... you make me so very happy. I am the luckiest to get to be your mama.
Oh Miss Charlotte...
My independent, opinionated, sensitive girl. You are my sugar and spice (though you still argue that you are just sugar, I'm pretty sure we can all agree there is a healthy portion of spice in you).
You keep me on my toes.
One thing I continue to learn through this parenting journey is that I most certainly don't have all the answers. I wish I did, because I want to be honest here in this space...
We are having some rough times right now.
There I said it.
While it is easy to admit to your mom and your best friends the struggles you have as a parent sometimes, it's harder to write it down as documented proof. That internal mommy guilt creeps up to say, "Don't write that! You know how good you have it?!"
And I do know that! There are days and moments that go off without a hitch and you think, "Yep- I've got this, smooth sailing here folks"... and then BAM! You go and cut her grilled cheese the wrong way and all hell brakes loose.
So these are our challenges these days. Extreme highs and lows. Questioning of our parenting skills, books being purchased on how to better guide her through life as she finds her way ... it's tough stuff sometimes.
She holds your face in her hands and tells you that she just loves you all the way.
She reads her first book on her own.
She snuggles in bed with you, curled up just so....and all the struggles seem to be forgotten.
And that's one pretty awesome thing about being a parent...there are like a million chances a day for fresh starts.
I like that a lot.
My big girl... you make me so happy. I am the luckiest to be your mama.