Thursday, August 21, 2014

Our July. My July.

I do realize it is August and not July, but as it goes...I'm just finally getting around to sitting down at the computer. Evenings have been too filled with sprinklers and wading ponds and sand and friends and needing baths and sometimes just getting foot baths and mostly just chasing around two active, spunky, spirited girls.
And really that's just the way I want it.
This Seattle summer has been one for the books. Forget needing to look at a weather forecast to determine weekend's been sunshine for days! Looking around this area it's hard to imagine a more beautiful place to live. We are so fortunate.
I look at our pictures from the past month and smile at the happiness and the sweet memories we got to make together. It's been so, so good.
But, was hard.
I want to be careful to always remain truthful here. I want to look back on these years of documenting our days and recall the smell of sunscreen on my babies faces, to remember the sound of their giggles and squeals as they splash about, and how sweet it felt to hold their hands everywhere we went.
But I also want to remember that some days were really hard. I don't want to forget the struggles we went through as well, because for me...often times the most learning and soul searching has come from times of struggle.
There were many days in July that left me feeling overwhelmed. Days that I felt anxious about not being the best mom, and wife and friend that I could be. Days where seemingly nothing changed from the day prior, but for whatever reason- it was harder to cope. Days I felt a little out of my mind.
As I've examined a lot of things the last few weeks, I still can't pinpoint that these feelings stem from any one thing. It's a combination rather, as I think it most often is. That whole, "slow down" item from my summer bucket?? Not really been happening. I think that, coupled with the fast pace that life often is...with feeling like there isn't enough time...with worrying about doing the best job I can possibly do in raising these girls...the unnecessary pressures we sometimes put on ourselves as parents...well, it all seemed to come to a head at some point in July (specifically during Book Club, sorry gals!)
But you know? I'm actually glad it did. I have since talked more openly about these struggles with those closest to me...and it feels good. A good cry is cathartic. Acknowledging that life isn't picture perfect is comforting. Sharing with my close circle the road bumps of life is healing.
And so in talking, and examining, and thinking and re-evaluating I've made a conscious effort to make slow moves towards some changes. This struggle has indeed made me stronger, and August has left me with a much clearer mind.
My time is so precious to me, and I need to be careful with that time. Mindful of how I choose to spend it. My girls deserve a mama who is not frazzled, but who is present and available...both in body and mind.
Babies be babies for only so long, and I don't ever want to look back with it seems fitting actually that I am sitting down to write this on the eve of my last Friday of work.
I'll let that sink in a minute. Last Friday of work.
YES!! I am going to a four day work week as of next week and I am giddy with excitement. Nervous a bit too, but we will adjust and I know that it will be fine. An extra day for myself and my girls. I am pretty sure it's going to be the best ever.
I can feel a change coming. There has been the ever so slightest hint of fall in the air this week...but when I look at these pictures, I can hang on to summer just a bit longer.


Happy end of summer...feeling thankful for the struggles and thankful for the joys.

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